Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
