He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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