my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this beer tastes like vomit already
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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