After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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