Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
