On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
