i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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