saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
