wanna go halves on a baby?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize