Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she smelled like a LAN party
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
