he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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