don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
