cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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