Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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