I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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