The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
