Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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