ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
