yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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