me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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