laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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