well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
