Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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