I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's Friday. Sex?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
