Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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