Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
