Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
