Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
