Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
