you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
