theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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