I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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