I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
