Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
