I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize