I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
