I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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