the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
