the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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