I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
