id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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