So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
