I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
