I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Damn victory sex feels great
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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