Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
