It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
