I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize