i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize