I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
