I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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