I hate all girls vehemently.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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