Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
