Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize