i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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