Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize