Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
