We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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