the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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