I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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