YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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