He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
