Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
