I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
